Much as I suspected in last week’s episode, a less-than-desired number of readers submitted any thoughts for the You Speak edition of Pocket Aces. Actually, only one person submitted actual thoughts while another might have, but I couldn’t tell if his email was just another chain in an ongoing series of inside jokes. In any case, the readers have spoken (or not in this case), so that’ll be the last request I make. Why so silent, people?
With a week to go before the big holiday that honors just how much money you can spend on friends and family, I’m going to avoid the a-typical “I hate holiday shopping” stream (I haven’t bought a single thing yet, honest) and will go in a completely different direction. That’s right my friends….let’s go to the movies!
As a public service, here’s what to expect at your local cinemas within the next year. Some of these, you may have heard of but I’m guessing unless you’re a movie trailer/teaser freak – much like The Roomate, who helped inspire this piece by an IM conversation last week during one of his study (insert dubbed laughing here) sessions – you probably don’t know what’s coming up. You can find all of these online by doing a Google search, but check out www.themoviebox.net for one-stop shopping.
Nason’s Movie Preview – 2004 Edition
–Batman Begins: I’m a huge fan of the comic book genre of movies, so I am definitely looking forward to the revamping of the Batman line with this June 2005 release. A nod to the darker side of the character, this will be nothing like the final two releases (Batman Forever and Batman and Robin) that almost ruined the franchise. In other words, there’s no Ahhhhnold or George Clooney. Starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, Morgan Freeman and more, it will be filled with big names but presented in a form similar to the first two Batman films. I can’t wait. And yes, I am a comic nerd.
–Kicking and Screaming: The master of low-brow comedy, Will Ferrell, returns in this 2005 release. Ferrell plays a youth soccer coach that gets a bit too excited about running the team of six-year-olds. Much like Elf, this could either be really funny or a bit too watered down for hardcore Ferrell fans. I will say that the trailer features Ferrell in a tiger-striped blue windsuit. Enough said. On a side note, one of 2004’s funniest movies Anchorman, comes out on 12/28. Ferrell SHINES. You’ll never hear the word ‘trident’ the same way again.
—Million Dollar Baby: Can I use the term ‘an all-star cast’ now? Due in late-January, the film stars Hilary Swank as a female boxer who is seeking to be trained by Clint Eastwood, a hard-nosed trainer who doesn’t want anything to do with her. Morgan Freeman also stars as, well, the Morgan Freeman character that he plays in most movies. A predictable plot/ending? Probably, but anything with Clint deserves a shot.
–Mr. And Mrs. Smith: A spy movie with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie that looks like an updated version of True Lies. The two are married and are having troubles because they’re both spies and can’t tell each other. By the look of the trailer, they figure it out and start doing missions together. The action looks good, but the plot’s been done before. Methinks this is one I’ll catch on DVD, although the thought of Jolie on a big screen is intriguing enough. But then, I remember she was all about Billy Bob Thornton at one point, so that previous thought just went away.
–XXX 2: Ugh. The first one was bad enough, but when did anyone decide that putting Ice Cube as the lead in the sequel was a good idea? Just another collection of one-liners, explosions and wasted money. I could go on, but it’s just wasting time like this movie will.
–Hostage: I know, I know. You might be saying, ‘Another Bruce Willis action movie?’ This January 21st release looks really good though. Willis plays a cop who comes onto the scene of a hostage situation inside a locked-down house. But as the trailer says, “The house holds a secret.” Apparently, there’s some important information on a computer that a super bad guy needs to get. He tells Willis that in order to save his own family (whom have also been taken hostage), he needs to get that data, even if it means sacrificing the family inside. High drama ensues. On the Clyde Special scale, maybe two of four sammiches. What is the Clyde Special, you ask?
The Clyde Special: Some of you on familiar with Pocket Aces are probably also familiar with Clyde, a blond-haired, unintentional one-line spewing dynamo. On his best day, Clyde is a comedy gem. On his bad days, weeelll, we won’t talk about that right now. Clyde has a certain affinity for movies that fall into the same general genre which is basically anything with Steven Seagal, Jean Claude Van Damme, Sly Stallone, or any black guy/white guy combo that you’ve seen in most buddy cop movies (think Blue Streak, Rush Hour 1 and 2, Exit Wounds, etc.). Sitting on an afternoon while Clyde scans the channels is an exercise in exactly how many obscure quotes one man can remember from so many obscure movies. It’s heart-warming, really. Every circle of friends needs a guy like this and Clyde fits the bill, even if you have to sit through Rocky III for the 32th time.
So when I refer to a movie as a Clyde Special, you know what movie you’re going to get: a big action star, some semblance of a plot and some violence – most times featuring a Chinese gang. And sammiches? It was a pronounciation of the traditional term ‘sandwich’ that he or someone else made. It just kind of stuck. Not one of his all-time greats, but still worthy of second-team status. Sammiches will replace the traditional star system that we know and love. Get with it people…it’s new for 2005.
–War Of The Worlds: A remake of the well-known H.G. Wells books on a Martian invasion, Steven Spielberg directs Tom Cruise in one of 2005’s most anticipated movies. This is another movie I’m looking forward to as most anything from SS is pretty damn good. And man, he does love alien movies. You’ll see this one in late-June.
–Constantine: Keanu Reaves returns! Rejoice! Another comic adaption, Reaves plays a supernatural detective that is helping another policewoman solve the suicide of her twin sister. Reaves is wanted by Hell but cannot return to Heaven, having made a deal years prior. Supernatural sh*t ensues. This also looks good, but I’m guessing a lot of people might stay away because of the plot line. Myself and others are still awaiting a reunion of Bill and Ted but alas, we’ll wait.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory: Grab your sheets of acid and bags of dope it’s a Tim Burton remake of one of the influential movies of our generation’s lifetime. A free ticket to a candy factory? Colorful characters that die from ingesting too much candy? Oompah-loompas? Throw in one of the best character-actors we’ve seen in a while – Johnny Depp – and a big budget and that equals success. Depp’s pulled off playing a pirate to the tune of kabillions worldwide. This will become a favorite of late-night college kids under the influence of some sort of illegal substance everywhere. Sign me up!
Side note: Where do you get the job of movie trailer/teaser voice guy? There’s like three guys who do it with that dramatic deep tone or happy-go-lucky fun movie voice. Imagine doing this voice at parties? “Bill has one shot….just one shot…to get a beer from the cooler” or “It’s Christmas time…let the present opening begiiiiiiin.” Just fantastic.
The New World: Colin Farrell – continuing in his ‘Let’s make some average heady films for a year or two’ stage – brings us this film about discovering America. There’s some Indians, some white folk, a beach, an Indian girl that Farrell will eventually fall in love with, blah, blah, blah. We already saw this movie when it was called Dances With Wolves.
The Life Aquatic: A subject that will causes much controversy and ill will in the Nason household is debating Wes Anderson movies. Anderson is a filmmaker that directed Bottle Rocket, Rushmore and what I consider one of the worst movies ever made: The Royal Tenenbaums. I consider myself a pretty open-minded guy when it comes to most anything (except eating onions or most green vegetables), but this movie sucks. One of my roomates considers this to be a great movie which means that I might be living with a crazy person. (Clyde Special rating: negative 18 sammiches. He hates this movie as well.) The thing with Anderson movies is that while liking them is supposed to mean you’re an intellectual savant, they all have that same feel – same graphics, same style of music, same actors. If Anderson is such a gifted director, why not branch out a bit? Anyhoo, this is Anderson’s latest effort about a family of Jacques Cousteau-types that try to rebuild their family as the father attemps to avenge his friend’s life being taken by a shark. I know…I know. You can’t wait to sit alongside wannabe Ivy Leaguers that refer to movies as pictures and enjoy the one-laugh-per-hour stylings of Anderson and company. In case you can’t tell, I can’t stand Wes Anderson movies.
And finally, what ever happened to Patrick Swayze?
Have a great holiday,