Missing The Moral Fiber

To sum up the past weekend: holy drunkness, Batman.

As I’ve written in the past, my free weekends during the winter occur as often as comic book movies get nominated for Oscars. So when I have a few days off, I try to make the most of it. And if ‘the most of it’ meant defiling yourself with alcohol, consider the goal achieved. Kids, don’t try this at home.

Upon arriving at the abode Friday, Roommate A was up in the air about what he wanted to do, as he had a drive to Maine planned for Saturday. Our options were to either lay low and grab a movie or head out into the night, knowing he would probably take it easy and drive us back. Well, you can probably guess how this went as we ended up bar-hopping in Manch-vegas and ending up at the corner of Smashed Ave. and Drunk Street. In fact, the comment of the night toward yours truly was “Man, you’re drunk!”

This seemed to be a running theme for some reason, which I still can’t understand. If someone’s drunk but not causing any damage nor vomiting on waitresses nor passing out in bathroom stalls, I’d consider that a normal state of drunkness. So I was in that zone Friday, but yet three or four people managed to keep pointing out my inebriated state. Unbelievably irritating because I couldn’t figure out if there was something I was doing out of the ordinary. On the post-evening follow-up calls, nothing interesting was revealed so I guess I’ll chalk it up to the company of the evening. However, my buddy made plans for us to go to Boston on Saturday with some random girls while I think I made a date with someone that works part-time in the office. Monday should be pretty good at the old arena.

Of course, it came to that turning point of the night when we both looked at each other and said, “How are we getting home?” I had a place lined up for us to stay, but somehow my friend decided that despite matching me drink for drink all night, he was ok to drive home. Somehow my good buddy Mr. Reasoning fell asleep and I said, “Sure!” Just stupid. I hate when I talk about how it’s stupid to drunk drive and that a $20 cab ride is a lot better than a $2000 fine and possibly killing someone, yet just go ahead and participate anyway. Ugh. But I guess we learn from our mistakes and we made it back safely, even if I was giving directions and telling the driver when to turn off the high beams for oncoming traffic. Double ugh. Won’t happen again, I hope. Thus ends Friday…

Saturday turned out to be more of the same as I did absolutely nothing all day, despite the best intentions to hit up the mall, but got prepped for a trip to Nashua to again hit up the town with the roommate and another friend. It’s amazing how lazy someone can be until it’s time to get sh*tfaced again, then it’s like getting ready for the Oscars. And that trip to Boston? Yeahhhh, that didn’t happen after all. In fact, my roommate didn’t even remember giving out his number. Gin and Tonics are great mind erasers, I tell ya! Not much else to report other than we ended up the night somewhere in Massachusetts at a place that used to be a strip club, complete with the stripper poles/stage that is still up. In other words, this place seems great for a first date. Apparently, we also got there in time for Gang Wars Night. As we were walking up to the door, these two guys come running out chasing after some truck that was screeching out of the parking lot. As we walked in, about 20 people were being ushered out that was also involved in a fracas. It was great…less people at the bar to deal with.

The moral of the story: if every weekend was like this, I’d either be close to dead or fronting a big-time rock band.

In other news:

–Do you think the most-stolen/lost cd in recent memory is Under The Table and Dreaming by Dave Matthews Band? Who doesn’t know someone that has claimed it to be taken from their cd case? I bet that disc has more people buying it multiple times than any other disc in history. No. 2? The debut from C & C Music Factory.

–Who ever came up with the saying, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? What else do you do with cake?

–Every time I watch Spanish TV, I’m definitely entertained. And Beavis and Butthead were right: there’s always a fat host and a really hot girl. Speaking of B and B, remember how hot that cartoon was and the controversy it raised because of the guys’ lewd behaviour? Seems a bit tame now, right? Man, the stuff people got worked up about back in the day…

–Forgive me if you’ve heard the weatherpeople rant, but with yet another DEADLY WINTER STORM upon us, I need to bring it out. Every time there’s a flake about to hit the ground, the news channels go on high alert with their various Storm Centers and trackers and everything possible to convince the public that chaos is about to ensue. Nothing like getting everyone worked up in a frenzy, so that they stay home and continue to watch the news for the latest updates. Brilliant!

And then, when a storm doesn’t exactly hit the mark and we get one inch instead of the 12-14, there’s no repercussions on the weatherpeople that got it wrong. Seriously, if you’re a meteorologist and you’re right 20% of the time, that’s successful. Any other profession in the world that featured employees being consistently incorrect would be considered a joke. Yet, this society of fools continues to hoodwink people that don’t know any better. In an ideal world, there would an on-air flogging or hairpiece removal or something. Then again, in a profession that has people named Flip Spiceland, Aloha Taylor and Dallas Rains working in it can’t have that much credibility anyway.

And why during any storm, even a small one, does everyone go to the grocery store and stock up? It’s like everyone’s pantry is bare and if they go a day without having Elio’s Pizza, Twix or Wonder Bread, disaster will strike. Again, these are things I think about while driving around.

–This question got some laughs this week: What’s the difference between local anesthesia and national anesthesia?

Thanks for reading,

p.s. To my new blog ‘rival’ Mr. Rathbun: be careful about the weapons you bring to the fight. The army can turn at any minute…

5 thoughts on “Missing The Moral Fiber

  1. if room mate A is in bathroom B and Nason is in his closet and room mate B wants to link them with a home made phone made with two empty soup cans and some string, how much string will he need?

    what’s “the army” and where’s it pointed now?

  2. Actually in basball 30%(3 out of 10 hitting) is considered good so the two professions are not far apart in what is defined as “good”.

  3. Clyde: stop posting things twice and then you can comment.

    Rathbun: The Army has invaded. Prepare for the damage.

    CK: post another one, yo.

  4. Gang wars in Nashua are never a good thing–even Martha Stewart couldn’t find a way to say that they are. Although, Martha may be different after a few months in the joint. And if anyone can figure out a way to make a homemade teardrop tattoo, she’s the one to do it.

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