There are very few times in your life when you can actually be someone else, especially a fictional character. Saturday night, yours truly became the one and only Ron Burgundy, Anchorman. Our team held their annual decade night, this season being a return back to the 1970s. After a semi-successful appearance as Magnum P.I. for 80s Night last year, the search came down to really only one person – the man known as Papa Burgundy.
When it came to selecting the costume, I was shocked to find that with all of the different costume stores, the Spencer Gifts, Newbury Comics, etc., that Burgundy outfits are in short supply. Actually, how about no supply. With a little ingenuity (and the trusty AmEx Blue), I bought a burgundy blazer through Overstock, a fake mustache with ‘spirit gum’ which helps it stick and a wig that I had to trim down to somewhat resemble the man. A little Nason attitude and voila – I had what was referred to as one of the best outfits of the night. It didn’t land me any Veronica Corningstones, but it did help me get really ‘Scotched up’ ’til about 3:30 in the morning playing Can-Am flipcup at a player’s condo. Ahhh…this life of mine.
Which leads me to the main meat of our story this cold Monday evening: being hungover. As most of my older reading audience is well aware of, the nights of drinking become more difficult as years go on. First, the triple-threat of Thursday-Friday-Saturdays go away after college ends. Then, the Friday-Saturday combo specials start to whittle away. All during this time, the hangovers become worse and worse, eventually resembling something between a woodpecker and a wood splitter in your head. However, this lovely feeling can then translate into something my bud King refers to as “The Second Day Hangover.”
By definition, it is what it is – hangover effects felt on a second day. It’s quite a phenomenon, really. You literally drank enough in one day to have the effects last for TWO STRAIGHT DAYS. There should be awards or log books for things like this. If I were marketing liquor, I would definitely push that angle as a tag line: “Enough To Leave You Messed Up For 48 Hours.” Of course, the effects of the S.D.H. are usually better than day 1 but are still fun nonetheless. Tiredness, dehydration and something else King coined as ‘The Stupids.”
Again, it is what it is. You become a complete moron. You laugh at things that make no sense like Family Circle comics and people burning bagels. You say things that make no sense to anyone around you, unless they’re suffering from The Stupids too. Seriously, having a room or van full of Stupids can be one of the best experiences of your life. It’s like the greatest comedy club in the world, especially if some random things happened in public the night before. However, the flip side is experiencing this at work and especially if you have constant contact with your co-workers. Today (in full 2nd Day Hangover and Stupids mode), I threw out some stat which got almost riotous laughs between two of my bosses. The only problem was that I couldn’t figure out what I had said because my brain had become a bottle of white-out, so I just threw a joke out there and brought everything full circle. If most big companies’ meetings were held on ‘Stupids’ days, our country would probably be battling with Andorra for the bottom percentile of world dominance. Some good quotes do come out of ‘The Stupids’ though, especially this one which described my complete Sunday: ‘hired and tung over,’ known as a Clyde Classic. Someday, I’m going to do a blog on some of Clyde’s greatest sayings as more people need to know the thoughts of one of Central Maine’s greatest minds.
-I think the greatest American holiday to not officially be recognized is the Super Bowl. Not since Christmas has such a single event brought together so many people in one unifying act. Between the food, the commercials, the bets and that little thing called the game, the NFL has created something that has struck a chord with the world in some respect no matter what teams are involved. That’s why I am fully behind recognizing the Super Bowl as a holiday and observing it with a day off on Monday.
-As part of the Burgundy look, I did have to shave off my goatee which I’ve had for months. For those of you males (hopefully not females…yikes) that have gone through this similar ordeal, that first look in the mirror after the final blade stroke is like looking at old pictures of your parents – there’s something about the person you recognize, but there’s something strangely unfamiliar.
-Finally, I’m halfway through Season 2 of ’24’ and am now three eps into the fourth season of the Sopranos. I am now starting to see why the show was beginning to lose people as time went on. So far, I’m pretty bored with what’s going on. And the ‘Ralphie Treatment’ episode? Ewwww.
thanks for reading,